As a holistic self-care coach, I oftentimes find myself working with clients who are working through the process of healing on some level.
Whether the cause is food relationships, failed relationships with significant others, poor relationships with themselves, etc. – they’re all on the healing journey in some capacity.
Usually, the client quickly advances through this process in the first few sessions. They’ve acknowledged that there is a need to heal, they’re receptive and open to my suggestions, and they’ve accepted that there are some areas of their life that need some extra work.
From there, they put in the effort to make small adjustments and, together, we make lasting and sustainable changes to various aspects of their lives. Relationships of all kinds flourish and reap the positive effects of accepting and healing: food (check out my Sakara review and discount code), personal, intimate, professional, etc.
Sometimes, this process isn’t so straightforward…
…and that’s perfectly okay. There’s no “normal” when it comes to healing, and just like the food we eat, the best solution is different for everyone. We’re individuals, and that’s what makes us incredibly beautiful.
In attempts to help those who find themselves taking a bit longer to heal an old wound, I’m giving you my three steps to jumpstart your healing process and move closer to happiness right this instant. I know you’re worth so much more than you’ve convinced yourself of and I know you’re more capable of doing more than you’ve ever thought possible.
1. Become aware of your emotions
Getting real with yourself and allowing your mind to work through any emotions you may feel bubbling up from time to time is so important. As a past feeling-stuffer, I know how exhausting it is to pretend to be happy all of the time. I also know it’s unrealistic and not sustainable.
Guess what? I encourage you to let it all go – cry, yell, laugh, become anxious or uncomfortable. Why? I know that by expressing your emotions, you’re becoming more aware of why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. Soon enough, you may be able to relate a specific cause or situation to those feelings, and further, down the road, you’ll be able to handle these emotions with grace. Even further down the road, these situations that used to add salt to an old wound will simply roll off your back because you’ve cultivated an awareness to your emotions.
In the meantime, when you find yourself feeling emotional, give yourself the breathing room to work through whatever it is you’re feeling at that moment. Don’t discredit yourself and your thoughts – these emotions are popping up for a reason. Give them the respect they deserve.
2. Stop throwing yourself a pity party
In order to heal, it’s imperative to change your mindset around healing. Sure, throwing yourself a pity party is an easy way to wallow, sulk around, and find some temporary relief, but believe me when I say that this doesn’t produce any lasting results.
Here’s a dose of tough love…
I understand that you were hurt, but in order to grow and find your ultimate happiness, you must accept the fact that something in your life didn’t work out quite the way you expected it to. And then move on. You have no other choice. Soon, your pity party will be just you, and that’s no fun.
So what’s one to do? Well, you stop showing up. What do I mean by that? You stop the toxic thinking patterns in their tracks. When you find your mind heading to the place of examining the what-ifs and the could have/should have moments, intervene and force your thought patterns to go elsewhere.
By avoiding these toxic thought patterns, you’re giving your subconscious mind the chance to heal and develop stronger, healthier ways of thinking. You’re creating a new awareness around past hurt and cultivating the grounds for a complete mindset shift, one that will allow you to see your situation with a fresh set of eyes.
Re-engage with your life and the activities and people that make you happy. Chances are, they missed you.
3. Accept that revenge won’t help
Although the idea of seeking sweet revenge is oftentimes romanticized about, living your days constantly thinking about actionable revenge on whatever is causing you to hurt is ultimately only hurting yourself.
A major step in healing yourself is letting go of the natural instinct to seek revenge or cause pain to whatever it is that hurt you in the first place. Let me repeat that, a major step in healing is letting go. Just as showing up to your own pity party provides temporary relief, so does constantly wanting to seek revenge. Let it go.
By letting the need to seek revenge drift away, a new mindset is allowed to emerge. A mindset centered around peace, healing, acceptance, and happiness. This mindset is essential to those going through the healing process, but it takes time, practice, and awareness to get there. It also requires that you let it go.
The path to feeling fully healed is a windy, twisty road. There will be moments where you need to be completely honest with yourself and give yourself a dose of your own tough love. On the other hand, there will be times that you need to give your loving heart a dose of your own love and be patient with yourself as you’re working through healing.
This journey is different for everyone. We’ve all been hurt in different ways, we’re all moving at our own pace, and we all require different amounts of time to fully heal. What matters, is that we’ve all made the decision to let it go. To accept. To want to heal.