Being confident as a mom isn’t always something that comes naturally. Self-doubt can creep in and cause us to second guess ourselves or lose sight of what’s in front of us.
Although it can be difficult at times, I believe that being a mom is the most incredible privilege.
My best memories include impromptu dance parties in the living room, mental health breaks, abandoning everything on the TO-DO list to instead play outside at a new park for an hour. Laughing, reading stories, doing science experiments, making blanket forts.
When mothers with grown children summon back those magical moments, not once do we wish the house had been cleaner. We don’t wonder what other people thought about us or wished we worried more about how things would turn out. We miss those beaming faces showing us the new trick they mastered or even hearing wailing cries from one of their daily upsets. I wonder if sometimes I miss it so much because when I was living it, I was looking forward to it being over…
But why did I want it to be over?
There were probably a thousand reasons. Mostly because it was hard. I didn’t know how to take care of myself. I was insecure (and didn’t know I was insecure).
I was afraid I wasn’t doing things right.
I was comparing myself to other people.
I felt unstimulated as an adult.
I felt unloved and unseen in my marriage.
I had very few friends like me. I had friends with children the same age as my children, friendships of convenience rather than shared common interests. I abandoned my personal interests. Can you relate to my experience? Do you find yourself looking forward to this stage getting more manageable or finally being over?
Life revolves around the children entirely. No money gets invested in yourself, you feel guilty when you do spend anything on you. Money is limited, and it feels like there isn’t enough time, either. Between planning fun things for the children, teaching, cleaning the house, dealing with the never-ending pile of laundry, upkeep for the yard, juggling appointments, play dates, preparing snacks for playgroups, family meals, etc. It is exhausting, and it can be lonely, too.
Not to mention, many moms live in fear. We’re worried that something terrible happening to the kids, in the world, their health, or in their marriage.
This is not being tapped into the magic of being a mom. Time will pass, you will pursue your interests, you will excel in your career, you will live more life. You may possibly find that at the end of the day, the only thing that will really matter to you: your children.
If I could, I would love to go back to the younger version of myself and transform her experience, allowing more magic into that time with my babies. I would be so kind to myself. I would tell my younger version she didn’t need to worry. I would say to her that everything was going to turn out wonderfully.
When we are stressed out, we don’t need less love; we need more.
When we are unsure of ourselves, we don’t need less love; we need more. When we are short-tempered with our kids, we don’t need less love; we need more.
When we find the chores of life draining, we don’t need less love; we need more.
When we are afraid, we don’t need less love; we need more.
And when we get this TLC, we evolve as mothers and our confidence has a chance to grow.
Read next: Supportive Self-Care Benefits + Strategies
The voice that lives in our heads is often more critical and less loving. It is often accusatory and judgmental. Our inner narrator often tells us how we need to earn that love by doing better, trying harder, and being more.
Using TLC to tap into your confidence and self-love
TLC Evolution™ is an acronym for a simple self-check-in to ensure we are living our lives in peace, with energy, and living our best life!
T: Turn Off The Noise
Noise is anything loud and drowning out the joy of being a mom. This “noise” could be comparing yourself to other moms. It could be the health nurse’s development chart, which might not jive with your child’s development schedule. It could be the messy house you have been trying to ignore, but it is stealing your peace. It could be the nasty voice in your head that says things like, “You aren’t doing enough, you’re doing it wrong, you’re a terrible mother”.
The noise could literally be the noise from the TV or your children’s voices. Maybe you just need to have a time where everything is quiet for a few minutes. The noise you experience is asking for you to respond to it in a way that brings the love, joy, and peace into your experience as you raise your babes.
L: Listen To Your Body
Your body has been through a lot in becoming a mother. How does this body need to be tended to? Do you need a nap? A walk? Do you need to laugh? Or cry? Do you need a massage? Do you need a workout? Do you need an hour of not being touched by anyone? Do you need some adult conversation to stimulate your brain and awaken that vocabulary that you know is in there somewhere?
Your body is your temple. It is the receiver that gives you feedback from your experience of life here on earth. If your body is suffering, your family will suffer. Listen to what your body needs, and make sure it gets it. Treat your body as though it was your child and care for it like you do your little ones.
C: Create a Life You Love
Creating is natural and is most easily accomplished when you are vibing at your best. You are naturally drawn towards things that interest you.
You have ideas that you want to try.
You have plans that intrigue and excite you.
You have collaborations to explore.
Life becomes more rich and full of joy. Your children witness how to thrive by watching their mom! Your children learn TLC from watching how you take care of yourself.
If you ever find yourself looking forward to these formative years with your children being over, please use some TLC and allow yourself to evolve as a mother. Give yourself more love practically through these 3 simple steps. What are 3 ways that you can TLC today?
Wendy J Holloway
Certified Life, Health & Business Coach | TLC Evolution™ Creator
“Specializing in working with women affected by toxic/narcissistic/codependent relationships, they can take back their power with class and ease. After working with me, women are unstoppable, no longer putting themselves last. They are finally seen for their true identity. Confident. Fearless!”
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